Flitting, Changes & Measures of Success
So. There are these two rather large projects that consume my time at the moment. One is happening at MyRACentral. We have two weeks left before it all launches and in the grand tradition of things that sound like a really good idea when you're safely ensconced in the dead of winter and dealing only in theoreticals, it grew. And then there's another rather large project of my own which I naturally decided should come to fruition in the same month (disability? Energy issues? Me?? Pshaw!). At the time, it all seemed completely doable, but the second project may be delayed. Okay, who am I kidding? It will be delayed. That is, unless I figure out how to clone myself, but that would be a third project and I just don't have the time.
I wouldn't say I've hit the point where I am in a constant state of hysterics quite yet, although I am walking (metaphorically) around with a pervasive and persistent feeling as if I've forgotten something. I had the tornado dream five nights ago, as I always do when I feel overwhelmed and life is out of control and that was followed two days later by a tsunami dream. Because my brain apparently has never seen a disaster it didn't like in its efforts to persuade me that perhaps I'm in over my head and ought to slow down a little. Y‘know, get some prospective and a bit of a grip. And I would, really I would, if only I had the time.
I'm beginning to see a theme developing…
And so, I flit. Bounce from task to task, alighting only long enough to make me feel as if something got done, but never enough to call it actually finished before I flit on to something else. Repeat ad nauseam. And yes, I do realize that this just makes me more stressed out and it might be an idea to hunker down and finish some of the endless tasks that go into aforementioned to large projects, but it's impossible, because staying too long on any one task makes me really anxious.
Not surprisingly, my body has just about had enough of being pushed and Saturday morning, I woke up feeling as if I'd been run over by a truck. It didn't help that it was raining with what can only be described as biblical determination, but I dragged myself into the computer anyway. To discover that my Glidepoint (a touchpad mouse equivalent) had finally given up the ghost, after 15 faithful years of service. So I wandered off, sorely tempted to not install the backup for a day or so because there was such bliss in having a computer that was effectively unusable. The thought of spending the weekend watching movies and disappearing into a good book was the kind of tempting that normally accompanies a representative of Hades urging you to sign a document that deals with the transfer of ownership of your soul.
I love my job, but I think I need a vacation. June. Just hold on until June.
Unfortunately, I have a really good work ethic, so after a couple of hours, I installed my Smart Cat Pro and grumbled my way through the first hour. I don't like change and this was different than what I'd been using for the past 15 years and it was just Wrong. That is, until I programmed it properly, adjusting various settings and discovered the beauty that is programmable hotlinks. Because those four little fields over on the left side of the touchpad? Can be programmed to do whatever you want. Including double-clicking, which I naturally took advantage of and now never need to double-click ever again. What I was disparaging in the early afternoon, I fell madly in love with by late afternoon.
Equally unfortunately, this enabled me to go back to work, every bit of me kicking and screaming and it was only the thought of the unmanageable List the size of the Titanic and just as accident prone that kept me chained to my desk. Because if I didn't work, Monday was not going to be Any Fun At All.
It's all in the interest of keeping the full-on hysterics at bay. I figure it's going to happen eventually, most likely around the last two days of April, but if I can hold off until then, I'll consider it a success.