Wednesday, September 12, 2012

Life Line

    
There are times when this stress hits you so hard that you have made a conscious decision to build a wall against it. The stress can be a physical flare, unmanageable pain or the life crap that has a habit of happening without your consent. For me right now, it is the life crap. There is a lot of it and I feel drained and angry. I have ideas for posts, but the thought of writing them is almost nauseating. I’ve forced myself to sit in front of my computer with a blank document and Dragon on and nothing has come, except the overwhelming need to walk away. From the computer, from everything I do, from my life, if only for a little while. More than anything, I want two months off. To rest, to write, to centre myself and to not think about the Shoulds.


And although I did buy my lottery tickets today, the chances of that happening are about the same as a rasher of bacon on the hoof flying past my fifth floor window.

So. The wall. Or perhaps it is not so much a wall, as the decision to focus on another facet. Instead of looking at the anger, the frustration and the pressure, to make that conscious choice to look for joy. To seek out beauty, a burst of laughter and to rest in a sense of peace, even if it's only for a moment.

To that end, I declare this blog a positive space only for the remainder of September. Maybe even longer. Barriers to accessibility, boneheaded politicians and other irritants will still be there, but I will choose to not deal with them. Instead of handing over my energy to people who will not be careful with it - and the news is not known for being careful with our tender hearts - I will isolate myself in a bubble and begin to fill it with joy.

Today's moment of joy was all because of Laurie. Swinging through Toronto en route to what sounds like a blissful retreat from the world, she allowed me to rant on about all the things that stress me out. She absorbed so much of what has pummeled me for rather a long time that I came out on the other side a little. Enough to realize I'm drowning and need to save myself.

The first tool is to practice finding something beautiful or joyful every day. Today, it is the gratitude I feel to my friend for reminding me that I know the way out of this. 
  
  

8 comments:

AlisonH said...

Go Laurie! And go you for seeing and accepting the gift she gave you.

Wren said...

Deciding to consciously look for the gifts waiting for us to find them each day is a tried-and-true way to achieve joy, even if briefly. I'm glad you made that decision, Lene, and I'm joining you. I'll look, too.

Carrie Beth said...

I hear ya and know exactly where you are right now. So many things falling apart in life and things that are beyond my control and It's scary, disheartening and down right depressing. It's hard to crawl out of the hole you get pushed into, but I try to push away the bad thoughts and incidents and fill their space with what little good things I have in my life... And I cry to remember each day is a new day for miracles, things I could never possibly imagine could come my way, because I do deserve good things in life and it shouldn't have to be this hard all the time. I'm grateful for my hubby who listens to me like your friend... And you are not alone. You are definitely not alone. may better times and better situations find us all! hugs, love and light to you Lene.

GirlWithTheCane said...

Great idea. I need to look for the gifts more. I hope that you get what you need out of it...

All the best...take care of yourself.

Diana Troldahl said...

gentle (hugs)

Gaina said...

((HUG)) You could do a lot worse than put this blog on your reader:

http://www.the7msnranch.com/

Total fur therapy. And you will fall in love with Hank, I guarantee it.

RAJ said...

Take care of YOU Lene. You are the most important thing. Find peace and happiness. (Hugs)
Even when you are standing in the deepest, darkest valley...You can still see the stars! I am right there with you in the trenches, my friend. :)

Anonymous said...

Gaina had some good advice---go look at the 7msn blog. It's really great!